Letter N°2 to Jesus about my Crisis and Conversion Experience

Dear brother Jesus of Nazareth, it is a pleasure to greet you. Do you remember me? Of course, how could you not remember me if each one of us, the people, are always in your mind. I am Teresa Ngoie Mbula, the Congolese Dominican Missionary of the Rosary, who wrote to you the other day sharing with you about my Experience of Accompaniment. Today I want to share with you about another topic of great interest to me, the Crises and conversion.

I want to tell you first that conversion and crisis go hand in hand, because a crisis accepted as such leads us to a conversion, to a new way of seeing things and people. Well, according to my experience, conversion is an inner transformation that allows God to dwell in us in a radical and calm way, giving us peace and joy.

Referring to the crises, it can be said that the latter are moments of loss and pain, which momentarily incapacitate me to enjoy life and connect with the pleasure and wellbeing that life offers us. I have gone through moments of deep and painful crisis when I left the congregation; there were moments when I said to myself: I will never get over it, I am in a dead end. It was horrible, I felt broken, torn to pieces and I didn’t feel like anything but crying. I felt as if the whole world was against me and above me, and that there was no point in going on. I was unable to realize that all those painful emotions and feelings that were reflected in me were like stings that would gradually transform me into a stronger and wiser person.

One of the things I learned from my vocation experience was the fact that we all go through crises, but the acceptance of it is the engine, the energy to find the inner strength to take life into one’s own hands. The acceptance that things and people are the way they are, far from making me feel more frustrated and making a bad decision in the heat of emotion, allows me to become stronger.

The beginning of the conversion or transformation of the crisis is the acceptance of the reality that makes us the protagonist of our situation; the crisis requires innovation, reinvention, listening to new ways of thinking and doing, a lot of courage in making decisions, acting to achieve certain objectives, and evaluating the risks so as not to make mistakes. It is about rebuilding ourselves anew. So, I believe that, in the face of crisis, it is important to listen to ourselves, to others, especially those who do not think as we do. This last listening helps us to leave what we were doing and build something new, with new perspectives and new possibilities. It is here that we can understand that crises, taken seriously, are opportunities that help us to grow in faith, spiritually and to revive our life in the light of a greater awareness and love of God and others.

Despite the above, I would like to confess that it is not easy to come into contact with a crisis, whether one’s own or someone else’s, and to shed the necessary tears that help to heal the wounds. It is also not easy to give yourself the time you need to move through this process, but people close to you encourage you to forget quickly and get well as soon as possible.

I am sure from my experience that the crisis teaches us to trust in life, to experience the perplexity of the labyrinth of life and to remain firm in the darkness of the challenge. For, life is unpredictable, we cannot calculate it in detail as in a travel agency, it is necessary to do it with the will of God and others. And it is here that conversion and spiritual accompaniment are the best way to alleviate our pain, our crisis, to convert, to forgive ourselves and to forgive others.

In my brief experience I was able to understand that the person who seeks accompaniment and conversion is full of experiences of crisis and joy; what he seeks is to respond to God in an authentic way and with his whole being, to find meaning in his experiences of pain and brokenness. The person who enters this process is trying to understand the impossible things that God is doing in his life and takes the risk of opening his vulnerability by trusting God through the presence of the spiritual companion. The healing presence of God in the space of spiritual accompaniment and conversion touches us and heals us so that we can begin a new life in Him. When I took that seriously, it allowed me a total conversion in my being to the point of returning to this Congregation.

God’s healing presence in the space of spiritual accompaniment and conversion touches us and heals us so that we can begin a new life in Him. When I took that seriously, it allowed me a total conversion in my being to the point of returning to the congregation.

Dear brother Jesus, I don’t know what the right words are to thank you enough for the time you are going to spend reading my letters; at least I am waiting to hear from you in life, I send you my best regards.

Teresa Ngoie Mbula